WOAH, from way back when!

This picture was supposed to go along with a massive post I created to summarize the awesome-tacular weekend I had with my room mates for our Christmas celebration.

Instead, I've decided to put it on it's own.

It's Cloud! I haven't drawn Cloud in a few months, and I'm a big fan.

I know, I hear all the time; people whining and complaining about what a girly emo boy he is.

Okay fine, I'll accredit the whole emo thing... However, when your best friend and mentor gets shot to death right in front of your face, and your girl friend skewered by a psychopath who used to be your role model? Hey, I'd be a little emo too.

Besides, it's not like his character never changes over the course of his-- evolution (?). In Crisis Core he's actually a pretty happy kid, and fairly normal. Right up until his friend is shot to death in front of his face. At which point, Cloud has a mental break down, becomes the person he lost, and yes, gets a bit emo, especially right after he loses his girlfriend. In Advent Children, he still hasn't forgiven himself, but by the end of the movie gets past it. In Dirge of Cerberus... He's actually joking and being light hearted for once!

I know he looks like a pretty boy, but give him a break; he's Japanese. Somehow, he can wield that MASSIVE weapon, and not get slaughtered, even when Sephiroth stabs him in the chest. I like that he doesn't look like much. I like Cloud for how weak he is, in terms of his personality, and mentally. His character was one of the most interesting I'd ever seen; and even as I was playing a horrible graphic pixelated lego character on the screen; The story this game could tell!

Besides, he was sort of the first video game character I ever connected to, being the first RPG video game I'd ever played. I don't think Commander Keen, Jill, or Mario count as RPGs...

My love of Final Fantasy was probably fueled on a lot by my beginning interest in anime. Hrm, where does this start?

Hahahahahaa... Holy crap what a long road this has been so far...

So, I always drew, I always doodled, I always loved art more than anything else in the world. Okay, more than anything in school. After I moved out of my house in Brampton, I decided I wanted to draw for real. I wanted to learn how to draw, and I wanted to be able to create cool things with my art. I started with terrifying charicatures of people, with gigantic heads and teeny tiny bodies, mostly inspired by that old school TV show on TVO kids, Art Attack. I'm pretty sure it's still running today, though I heard rumours the host had died of cancer.

After a few months of this, my sister brought home this book.... I got all offended because my sister was trying to walk in on my turf! The nerve, seeing as I was the known artist in the family. I stole this book as often as I could, being the first art book I'd ever seen that didn't tell me to draw shapes, add lines, define, and leave me with a page of crap.

I'd already played FFVII for about half a year before this, but after this book I realized, "Oooo, this anime stuff is awesome! I wanna find out more!" and my chance came when I stumbled on a flyer at our local library, advertising an anime club. Disguising it as an opportunity for my brother to make some friends, I took him along and attended. My brother didn't last very long, but I kept going back week after week. I finally made some friends! They also introduced me to the wonderful world of cable (sort of) and I discovered I could watch anime Friday nights, after eight o'clock, on teletoon.

Oooooooo.

My interest in teletoon didn't last very long, as the shows were kind of boring and repetitive, but I kept up with the club, as I liked being able to see my friends every week. After a year or so, we all sort of stopped going, and I pretty much stopped watching anime on TV (I've never been big on television), though I would occasionally borrow DVDs and graphic novels off of my friends. I did have a pretty okay collection of books myself, but like all cheap entertainment, I'd read them once and never again. I can't think of a book series past four novels I actually finished reading... In the end I gave away all of them except a select few that I still like from an artistic point of view.

I was still drawing, getting better and better, as far as my mind was concerned, but my interests weren't the same anymore. I'd learned how to draw anime, and it was boring me. It wasn't very expressive, there wasn't much challenge to it anymore, and I wanted to try something else. It didn't help much that my parents and grandparents would see these really horrible "Learn to draw manga!" books in stores and buy them for me, with art inside that was bad enough to make even me cringe. I didn't want to draw like that anymore.

Alright, now THIS is an impossible road to travel by yourself. During my last year of high school, I struggled through most of it to get rid of the anime look in my art. It got even worse when I found out art schools wanted nothing to do with anime, because my art still looked anime. It was enough to send me into slumps that would last days, and occasionally I'd throw a temper tantrum and throw out everything I'd drawn, ripping them off my walls and doors (yes, at one point I proudly displayed my art in my room) and throwing them out. I always regretted those, but looking back it was probably for the best. My new friends tried to help me change my style, but they weren't artists in the same sense that I was (They were beautiful painters, but I just wanted to draw) and there wasn't much I could do. I tried to read books that had new and interesting styles in them, but they were always anime. My parents did however, start to buy me anatomy books that were based on real humans. Something to study from, a turning point.

It didn't get me very far stylistically, but things started to change a little with the anatomy. Very, very very little.

My art teachers were also very helpful, prodding me along, offering me advice, giving me tips, and helping direct me in the right direction.

In the end, Mrs. Petrou and Mrs Pineou were probably the best thing to ever happen to me. Both helped me compile my portfolio, and one was brutal honest about my chances of making it in the real world. She encouraged my art, yes, but she also had me well braced for the rejection that was sure to come.

And come it did.

Holy crap, yes it did.

I applied to my dream school, The Ontario College of Art and Design, as well as Sheridan, both for Illustration. At the time I wanted things to be as challenging as they could be, and I was told that illustration was all about learning how to draw to suit the needs of the client, and that I couldn't have picked a better course to challenge myself.

I got rejected from both programs on the same day. I wasn't sure what to do. I cried to my teacher about what a failure I was, and she offered me support and advice.

I had been accepted to Humber, for a course in digital painting, as well as University of Toronto-Mississauga, for a fine arts and art history course. I thought about it, but both of these programs weren't what I wanted. Learning how to paint digitally wouldn't do me any good if my drawings looked like crap, and learning to paint to be considered a "fine artist" isn't what I wanted. I wanted a career.

I sat on it, and I thought about it, and I talked to my teachers, my peers, and my parents. Sheridan had offered me a place in their Art Fundamentals course.

In the end, I decided I didn't want to go to a school that looked at my grade point average and let me in based on that. I'm an artist, and I had some sense of pride in what I did. With that, I decided I was going to go to Sheridan, where my portfolio is what mattered.

When I got to Sheridan, things finally started to turn around. I was introduced to an entire world of different styles! Where characters had different noses, and lips, and eyes that were shaped! I started life drawing, which by God, is the best thing to ever happen to me. I learned everything the anatomy books were trying to tell me, and I learned fast. At least I feel like I did, I'm probably not moving all that fast anymore, but boy, did it feel good. Does it feel good. After spending well over a year trying to shake the anime look in my art, I finally had the tools in my hand, and it went away fast. As soon as I knew what made it look anime, I could abolish it.

It's been a long road, and I'm still not where I want to be. I got rejected for the second year running from the program I had my heart set on, cried about it, talked to my teachers, my peers, and my parents, and made another choice. I'm prepared to try again, and this time, I'm not going to fail.

It's been a long road, and there's still a long way to go. My style isn't quite where I want it to be (I'm still working on the way I draw eyes...) and I still get caught up in anatomy, and I still struggle with drawing backgrounds, but when I look back I can see I've come miles and miles from where I was on starting Sheridan, September 2008. It's a road that never ends, and I'm excited for what further things lie ahead of me.

I look around and realize I'm in a spot I never thought I'd be.

Isn't that something?

Out

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